Don't you just love it when people who don't want to follow God's commandments then just decide to classify it as someone else's dogma to excuse their sin? I just love that. Cuz goodness knows its certainly not possible for something to be WRONG. Or at least that's not a decision anyone else can make for me. Even God. "I am the bastion of truth and i alone know the difference between right and wrong for my own life." Bull. It makes me sick. There is RIGHT and there is WRONG and GOD ALONE decides the difference.

Who needs truth? Why don't we all just make up our own rules? Why don't we all say "Screw what this 'god' wants, lets just do what we want to do. I know better than him anyway." how dare I not just be able to do whatever I want do whenever I want to do it. Screw everybody else. I am what matters in this world. Its all about me.

He is a different person now. We believe different things. He stands for different things. He has done many things I can't stand the thought of. Why can't I say I don't want another chance? Why does part of me still want him back? What would that even look like?

EX-Husband Week - If you thought your spouse was your best friend, who worked hard for you, who would stay with you through thick and thin, who would always love you even when you were at your worst, and to whom you used to be PROUD to be married to, copy and paste this with the year you were married and divorced. 1994-2011

I keep seeing the loving version of this on FB. It irritates me. Not that I want others to be unhappy, but I am sick of being unhappy. I'm nothing but an embarassment to him. A part of his life he wants to forget ever existed. He has someone else now. I believe he would happily never even talk to me again if it weren't for our kids. Not really sure what I did to make him turn against me so thoroughly. He's the one who cheated. I guess I had some nerve forgiving him.

I am truly stuck. I can't stand him being with her, but cannot fathom forgiving him for everything he's said and done to me in the last 4 years. At least not to the extent of taking him back. But I cannot stand the thought of him giving himself body and soul to another woman. It feels like its killing me.

Apparently, if you spend 10 years lying to someone and getting away with it, you spend the rest of your life assuming that person is an IDIOT and continue to lie for NO REASON WHATSOEVER! Then you can also get mad at HER for daring to not believe your STUPID bs, and seeing through it to the truth.

And maybe people are really sick of you trying to push responsibility for YOUR actions off on the other persons reaction to it.

I believe that it is entirely possible to love and hate at the same time. Saying people vilify someone due to rejection does not allow for the person actually being a villain. Maybe they hate you because you've 'evolved' into a selfish prick, but still love who you once were. Who they fell in love with so many years ago and pledged their life to. Maybe thy still love that person but hate the person you've become.

Trying to not obsess over him. Easier said than done. The longer there is no contact the easier it gets, but that can only last so long because of the kids. He is with someone else. He LOVES someone else. The pain that causes me is indescribable. He rejected me and has now given his heart to another. Not just his body, his heart. Ouch.

"While you’re on your way to where you’re going, enjoy where you are. Don’t wait until everything is perfect before you decide to enjoy your life."

Found this on FB. I wish I knew HOW to do this.

Just in case anyone finds this, reads it and thinks i'm crazy, let me briefly explain. 4 years ago, after 13 years of marriage, my husband had what I later found out was his 2nd affair. He 'tried' for about a year and a half, then left me for good. I married for life and wanted to save my marriage. He chose himself over me and our children. Divorce was final about 4 months ago, although we are still working on getting the finacials in writing. He is still a presence in my life because of our kids. My daughter still prays every night for him to come home. This, especially, makes it extremely difficult to let go and move on. He has had no trouble though and has 'moved on' several times already. This is more painful than I can ever put into mere words. I vowed to love him and only him until the day I died. Now what?

I am 40 years old today. Mother to the 2 best kids in the world. Divorced. I hate that. This was not supposed to be my life at 40. Trying hard to be thankful for the good and climb out of the hole that the bad put me in. 4 years and counting.

IS THERE A BIGGER HYPOCRITE ON THE PLANET!?!?!?!?! WE CHOOSE TO LOVE? SERIOUSLY, you believe this NOW?!?!? WHAT ABOUT THE 16 YEARS OF MARRIAGE YOU THREW AWAY!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

"I would never hurt my kids" ?!?!?!?! Are you freaking serious? You hurt your kids more than anyone on this planet when you destroyed their family by leaving! WHY should I trust you not to hurt them now just by being you! Putting your needs and happiness above anyone else. If I've learned nothing else in the last 4 years I've learned that your judgement is flawed!

Right, this is just about the kids. Her looking for a job here has nothing to do with you looking for a job here. Just like sleeping with C had nothing to do with the emotional distance that 'developed' in our marriage back in 98, S had nothing to do with you planning to leave me in 07, and the other C had nothing to do with you leaving me in 09. All of those were just coincidences. The skanks you are with never have anything to do with anything.

I find it fascinating that while women grow older, men apparently don't, as evidenced by the continued trading of women for younger models because the wife got old but somehow the husband is still young?!?!?!

I hate it that it bothers me to see other peoples happy posts about their wonderful spouse. Not because I don't want them to be happy, but because I have been left with no one to love and praise or have anyone that feels that way about me.

I can't stand the things he has done and the person he has become. I cannot fathom ever being with him again after all he has said and done and been and been with. But I miss my family. I miss what we were supposed to have had. I do not know how to get past this. Just move on, just stop thinking about it, just pray about it, just put it behind you, just leave it in God's hands. JUST JUST JUST JUST JUST!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
It is in God's hands, always has been, I have no power or control. That's JUST not easing the pain.

On your way to Boone...can't give me child support and moaning about not having money this month for food, but can still afford the gas to drive 6 hours to Boone to visit your s*(@. Nice. (oh and see previous post) Sometimes I find it almost impossible not to hate you.

Oh no, its fine. Of course I understand why you can't pay all the child support on time. The swinging bachelor life is expensive. We've gotta keep our priorities straight, right? Great place, 'great' younger girlfriend...you gotta get your 'true destiny' going. Sure...I get it.

God said the road to him was narrow, if we continue to try to justify our behaviors it is only trying to widen a road that he SAID was narrow!!!!!!!

DANG people are stupid. How can he stand us? I can't stand us!

Why does he get to be content, fullfilled and happy while still feel like i'm buried in pain? I don't know. GOD DOES I keep trying to tell myself that. I'm supposed to leave it to God. Easier said than done but i'm trying.

Beer, cigars and sluts from bars. What do you do when the one you loved no longer exists and the thing in his place is killing him slowly and having a blast doing it?

This blog is just for me. It is somewhere I can put down all the things that go through my head that I can't say, at least not to the ones that need to hear it.